Your result:
The Seed Stage
You’re at the very beginning—not just of dating, but of discovering how you date, why you date, and who you are within dating.
When you're starting out, the real starting line is internal: it begins with you.
Graduate this stage by: Start building a healthy relationship with yourself and going on a first date (Ready to move to the next stage? Go to next stage)
Your focus should be: Self-awareness and mindset-building. Start being intentional about wanting to start dating and wanting to meet people.
Activities to graduate:
Play the long game. Not every date will be “the one,” but every experience can bring you closer — if you treat it as part of your journey.
Start a “self-discovery” journal: Why do I want to date? What makes me happy?
Say yes to invites you’d usually pass on (open mic, bar trivia, weekend market, etc.)
Ask a friend to go on a mock-date with you just for laughs (have some fun!)
Get knowledgeable about dating & relationships (book rec: How to Not Die Alone by Logan Ury)
Try light social interactions (e.g. talk to a stranger at a coffee shop) to warm up socially.
You’re probably facing one or more of the challenges. Click the ones you resonate with:
You don’t know if you’re ready
You don’t know what you want, or what you bring to the table.
You don’t know where to start
Dating is a skill. Like any skill, it starts with small steps and a willingness to grow — not aiming for perfection right away. But beyond learning how to connect, knowing where to meet people matters just as much. Wisdom in dating comes from both experience and finding spaces that support your journey to refine your approach over time.
What’s really going on:
Lack of experience
You you simply haven’t had the chance to practice dating yet.
Not knowing dating norms
You might not know what’s expected on a date, or how to behave in one.
Not understanding relationship dynamics
You might not know how to handle complex emotional conversations or situations in dating.
No opportunities to actually meet people in person
So you don’t know where to meet people. If you're feeling stuck, it might be because of the dating landscape (not all dating environments are equally effective. Some make it harder to truly meet people)
What to do:
Focus on skill-building
Just like learning a new language or sport, dating requires practice. Work on listening skills, reading emotional cues, and expressing your feelings.
Learn the basics
Read articles, videos, or guides about dating. Ask friends or mentors for advice. Just starting will help you learn by doing.
Learn about relationship dynamics
Study healthy relationship behaviors: (1) communication styles, (2) emotional intelligence, (3) Attachment style.
Try low friction dating
High-friction dating like online apps can trap you in endless texting, ghosting, and decision paralysis, which makes it harder to move from matches to actual dates. In contrast, low-friction options like in-person events or curated dates remove barriers and create smoother, more natural connections.
You don’t know if you’re ready
This feeling often stems from two deeper struggles: self-worth and prioritisation. It’s easy to assume you need to be perfect before diving into relationships. At the same time, love keeps getting pushed down your list. But you don’t actually have to have everything figured out to start dating.
What’s really going on:
Perfectionism
You’re waiting to be your “best self” before showing up. You keep saying “I’ll try when I’m ready” but “ready” never quite arrives.
Procrastination
We say we want a long-term relationship, but we treat dating like an afterthought — something we squeeze in if there’s time. Sometimes, we even make excuses. And just like that, another month passes…
Low self-worth – You tie your value to external validation or approval, causing doubt about whether you are “enough."
Fear of failure or rejection
You fear that putting yourself out there will lead to being turned down or feeling inadequate.
What to do:
Shift your mindset from perfection to progress.
Perfection will never be achieved. Growth happens when you show up as you are, imperfections and all. Progressively try dating in low-stakes scenarios (e.g., casual meetups, group dates) without worrying about outcomes.
Make dating a gentle habit to prioritize (dating is an investment!)
The longer you wait, the harder it feels to start. Your future self — the one in the relationship you want — will thank you.
Build internal validation
Focus on self-compassion. Start by recognizing your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small. Regular self-affirmations help build a positive self-image.
See failure as feedback, not as an end
Each date or interaction is an opportunity to learn about your preferences, boundaries, and what works in a connection. Shift the goal from success/ failure to the process of growth.
You don’t know what you want, or what you bring to the table
When you haven’t taken time to reflect on your values, needs, and desires, dating can feel aimless. Gaining clarity isn’t about drawing up a perfect checklist — it’s about developing a grounded sense of identity so you can date with intention and alignment.
What’s really going on:
Lack of personal identity
You haven’t developed a solid understanding of who you are beyond roles, achievements, or relationships.
Lack of reflection
You’ve never asked yourself what kind of relationship, life, or connection you want, and whether your actions reflect those desires.
External referencing
You rely on societal trends, dating culture, or peer pressure to define what’s attractive, valuable, or “correct” in love.
What to do:
Self exploration (Experiment & gain lived experiences)
It’s time to have fun! Discover yourself by trying new hobbies, travel solo, volunteer, or pick up solo projects, and explore different sides of yourself. Let yourself want things and change your mind.
Create intentional moments for self-reflection
After social interactions or dates, pause and think to yourself. You can even keep a casual reflection log or voice note after dates or social moments — nothing formal, just quick thoughts.
Reconnect with your own value
Take breaks from external input (e.g., TikTok, dating podcasts, or friends’ opinions). Tune into what genuinely feels aligned to you.
Final insight:
Right now, it’s not about finding “the one.”
It’s about proving to yourself that you can begin.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need:
✅ Curiosity
✅ Self-compassion
✅ A bit of courage to start
Starting is messy, imperfect, and brave.
But it’s also where all the best stories begin. You just need the right tools and guidance ;)