Your currently in:
The Formation Phase
You’re going on second (and maybe third and even fourth) dates. There’s chemistry, conversation, but no matter how promising things seem… nothing ever really progresses.
To graduate: Make it ‘official’! (go to next stage)
Your focus should be: Clarity and commitment.
Activities to graduate:
Create new memories together to solidify the connection (go on a weekend trip, meet each other’s friends!)
Be brave and ask deeper questions
Seek clarity through journaling, reflection, learning about attachment styles or talking it out with your friends
You’re probably facing one or more of the challenges. Click the ones you resonate with:
I’m not sure where we stand
When you’re unsure where you stand, it might be because there’s no mutual clarity. It’s easy to assume the other person is disinterested or pulling away but it’s often because no one is being brave enough to lead with clarity. Most people wait for the other person to go first. Or perhaps they are dealing with unresolved clarity themselves (see next point)
What To Do:
Stop trying to mind read
Pause the assumptions. Instead of reading between the lines and waiting, decide how you feel—and communicate it. Remember, equally important is trying to understand them.
Say the thing.
Being real is attractive. You can keep it light
Bring it up lightly but intentionally.
It’s actually all about tone and how you say it!
Pro-tip: Use a moment after a nice date or deep convo to slide it in
What’s Really Going On:
Guessing game
You’re interpreting silence or mixed signals as disinterest, when in reality, they may also be unsure or scared.
Fear of vulnerability or rejection
You want clarity, but you’re afraid to ask for it because you’ll come on too strong or get rejected.
Don’t know how to bring up serious topics
You want to talk about exclusivity, emotional needs, or future plans but you’re worried it’s “too early” or “might scare them off.”
I’m not sure if I want to commit.
Doubt is normal, but it’s worth looking at where it’s really coming from because it’s often less about what they’re doing wrong and more about you (lack of internal clarity or unchecked fears). The key is building that comfort, trust, and self-awareness so you can take the leap.
What To Do:
Focus on your own relationship
Let go of “the one” myth. Focus on your lived experiences with this person. Do you feel safe, valued, and seen when you're with them? That’s your data.
Pro-tip: detach from dating apps (Modern dating makes it feel like there’s always something better out there!)Know your patterns
Self-awareness + honesty goes a long way. You can take an attachment style quiz and reflect on past dating patterns. Knowing your style is the first step to change.
P.S. If you have hurt from the past, remember this is a new person, not your past.
Do the internal work
If you don’t know your own values, it’s tough to decide whether someone else aligns with them. If you’re clear on you, the next step becomes easier.
What’s Really Going On:
The comparison trap
You might be over optimizing for the “perfect” partner. You’re mentally weighing them against exes, imagined futures, or other people. Perhaps, you want to know if this is “the one” before you take a step forward.
Self-Sabotage or Attachment Wounds
You might pull away — not because you're not interested, but because of internal fears. Maybe you’ve been hurt before and now you’re slow to trust your feelings. You end up sabotaging the relationship without understanding why.
You lack clarity about yourself
Many people don’t know what they want or aren't honest about it—with themselves or with the other person. Without self-awareness, people act from fear rather than clarity or care.
I’m not sure how to progress
Sometimes people aren’t confused about each other, but confused about how to move forward. If progress doesn’t happen automatically for you, you just might need brave intention.
What To Do:
Take the initiative
Progress needs a driver. Don’t wait for clarity — create it. While it’s not always the case, if you’re sure about how you feel for each other, go ask that person to be boyfriend and girlfriend!
Call it out playfully but clearly
Sometimes things are unspoken and that’s okay! You can keep it light with something like: “So… are we unofficially official?” or “I feel like we’re basically dating, but no one’s sent the memo yet.” Humor helps a lot!There’s no perfect time — just a good-enough one
If things are going well and the feeling is mutual, that is the sign. Go make it exclusive!
What’s Really Going On:
You’re waiting for the other person to lead
You rely on them to define what’s next. But they might be waiting on you too.
You’re already acting exclusive, but it’s unspoken
You’re only seeing each other, texting often, maybe even sleeping over but there’s no label.
You don’t know when the “right time” is to ask
You’re waiting for the perfect moment but it keeps getting pushed back because you’re unsure what’s “too soon” or “too serious.”